Tips for Helping Your Child Through a Divorce | Allan Brandon Tise PLLC, Attorney at Law

Between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, according to the American Psychological Association. If you are going through a divorce, your child might be suffering from it as well. Here are some ways you can help them cope.

Discuss the Divorce

The most important thing you can do to help your child through the complicated emotions divorce brings is to talk about it openly. If possible, sit down with your soon-to-be ex and talk to your child before one parent moves out of the family home so you can present a united front.

Divorce discussions aren't one-time conversations. As the process moves along, your child will likely experience different emotions, so keep the discussions ongoing. Encourage your child to be open and honest about their feelings by doing the same yourself.

You don't have to get into the gritty details, and you shouldn't use your child as your main pillar of support, but showing your child that you're also grieving will help them feel safe to express their own emotions.

Answer Questions Honestly

Answer your child's questions as honestly as you can. It's okay to admit you don't have all the answers if your child asks about something you're unsure about. Let them know you'll give them as much information as you can about things that affect them as they come up.

If they ask for details you're not willing to discuss in detail, tell them so. For example, if your child asks for information about a parent's infidelity, acknowledge their desire to know the details in a nonjudgmental way. Then explain that some things are between you and your former spouse and not things your child has to worry about.

Talk Positively About the Other Parent

Emotions run high during a divorce, but it's important not to talk negatively about your child's other parent. This doesn't mean you have to make excuses for bad behavior, like not showing up to pick your child up for visitation, but you'll make things worse if you launch into an angry tirade.

Explain that your main priority is to make sure your child is taken care of and loved. It's vital to reassure your child often that the divorce is not their fault and that it doesn't change the fact that both you and your ex love your child unconditionally.

Children often hide feelings of fear and insecurity during a divorce, so it's important to discuss this even if your child hasn't shown any signs of shouldering the blame.

Co-Parent Civilly

One of the best things you can do to help your child through the transition of divorce is to communicate calmly and civilly with your ex on parenting matters. Make sure your ex knows about any important health or school-related matters that affect your child. Send your child to your ex's home clean, fed, and well-rested so they're in the best position to enjoy their time.

Show supportive interest when your child returns home from visitation. Refrain from grilling them with many questions about what they did at their other parent's house. Ask about their time in an open-ended, interested manner.

If your ex brings a new partner around when your child is there for visitation, acknowledge any information your child provides. Let them know you're available to discuss any feelings they might have about their parent's new partner, but don't put your child in a position where they feel like you want them to provide details about your former partner's romantic life.

Seek Help if Needed

Even children going through a divorce with parents who are both amicable and supportive can have strong feelings parents aren't equipped to deal with. Seek counseling for your child if they start to appear withdrawn or severely depressed or anxious.

That goes for you too - not everyone can manage the emotions that come with divorce alone, and you can set a positive example for your child by seeking psychological help openly if you feel like you need some extra help.

Allan Brandon Tise, PLLC Attorney at Law helps clients with divorce in the Wilmington, North Carolina area through in-person and phone consultations. Contact us today to set up an appointment.