6 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in Your Marriage | Allan Brandon Tise, PLLC, Attorney at Law

Every marriage experiences ups and downs. However, when the downs are dominated by continuous emotional pain, unending emotional turmoil, and are often undermined or not recognized, it may signal emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is deceptive, leaving no physical scars, yet undermining your self-esteem and peace of mind. Here are six subtle signs you should look out for to protect your emotional well-being and seek necessary help.

1. Name Calling

When an abuser identifies you with a negative term or phrase, they are engaging in name-calling. This may take the form of a personal attack on your intellect, character, or looks. It may be difficult to identify these slights as emotional abuse because of their subtlety. Abusive pet names are another sort of endearing but demeaning teasing that people may use.

In addition, if your abuser responds to your concerns or complaints about these terms with phrases like "I am just kidding", they are reinforcing their power and control over you. The use of derogatory names is a common tactic in emotionally abusive relationships since it has the dual effect of silencing the victim and making them feel unworthy.

2. GasLighting

Gaslighting refers to a pattern of behavior in which one spouse repeatedly uses deception and manipulation of the facts to cause the other to doubt their sanity. This can set up a situation where the gaslighter has the upper hand and the other person feels powerless.

Denial and distortion are essential features of gaslighting in relationships. In an effort to make you question your own recollections and perceptions, your partner may repeatedly tell you things that complicate your remembering of an event. This might cause you to doubt yourself and become disoriented, both of which help the gaslighter keep power.

3. Patronizing

Talking down to you, questioning your intellect or ability, or treating you like you are incompetent are all signs of this form of emotional abuse. You may find that this kind of behavior justifies more authoritarian treatment from others. Your partner may try to be condescending by, for example, talking down to you or asking you questions that appear harmless. These kinds of exchanges might lower your confidence and make you feel unworthy.

When one partner indicates (but does not explicitly state) that the other is not intelligent, competent, or resourceful enough, that is another form of patronizing behavior in a relationship. An imbalance of power in the relationship can develop if one partner constantly feels they have to rescue or take care of the other.

4. Emotional Withdrawal

The use of silence is a form of emotional harm in which the abuser stops talking to or even talking to the victim for long periods of time. Feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or wonder what you did wrong can result from receiving the silent treatment. This manipulative strategy might make you feel helpless and compelled to gain the abuser’s acceptance.

5. The Cold Shoulder

Giving your partner the cold shoulder means you still talk to them but act distant and chilly anytime they are sad or furious. Like a dog left out in the rain, this sort of subtle punishment might leave you feeling like you need your partner's approval and affection all the time.

The abuser has less of a need to justify their actions when they give the cold shoulder, unlike when they give the silent treatment.

6. Constant Monitoring

Even while your partner may mean well by constantly checking in on you and wanting to know where you are at all times, this is actually a type of emotional abuse that goes unnoticed by the victim. This kind of conduct can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including frequent requests for updates, demands for details about your plans, and even digital surveillance.

It may appear that your partner is concerned about your well-being when they make constant demands to know where you've been and the individuals you are with. However, you should realize that this is their strategy for dominating you.

Contact us at Allan Brandon Tise for legal representation in divorce proceedings if you are a constant victim of abuse.